As a teacher, I get to bear witness to a lot of inane and disturbing incidents which I would classify as homophobic. Students - and, indeed , some teachers, too - often express statements which encompass a wide range of anti-gay statements. I think that if I have to hear just one more time, "that's soooo gay!", I think I will just explode! "What DO you mean by that?" Is it clear to them that the implications of such sentiments do not go unnoticed by others - their queer classmates, their closeted teachers, THIS teacher.

It seems abundantly clear that many students know full well that if they wish to put down someone else, then calling another's sexuality into question is the way to do it. Obviously there's something wrong with being gay - a fag, a dyke, a lesbo, a queer. Oh, I figured I had heard or seen it all. But, of course, I haven't. In fact, it had not been until recently that I had experienced a direct "hit".

From "That's so gay!" to "There are just too many queers in this school" to "She has one of those ALTERNATE friends" to "Your TWO mamas!" (a variation on the "Your mama! insult). I have heard enough to understand why queer teachers and students feel so attacked, helpless and isolated. Recently, I found myself violated in a situation where I was at the centre of a piece of graffiti on a desk. On it, written in red lipstick, was "I want to bone Mr. Jones." Disturbing? That did not begin to express how I felt. Violated. Angry. Uncomfortable. Called into question. That's what I get when I am perceived to be gay or at the very least someone who has a slightly more gentle, thoughtful, caring nature.

But what could I do about it? Who did it? Why? What would I do if I did find out who wrote it? Who could I talk to about this? Who would care? I NEED to DO something about it - at least erase the very offensive message.

And so the silence and the pain continue to work at my spirit.