Some readers might find this 'Piece of Our Lives' disturbing. Despite this possibility, the Conference organizers felt it was important to include it. This poem reflects the painful and distressing reality of many queer youth. A reality which encompasses such low self-esteem and need for love, that abuse will be tolerated, and sometimes even welcomed.

cursed

he watches over me,
his stare, burning into my soul
his hands, covering my eyes
his fingers, embracing my
movements
he holds me down,
raping me of my innocence
of my love
of my passion
of my beauty
of my appeal
keeping me hidden away
for the purpose of his games

i see the smile on his face
whenever I close my eyes;
his laughter and his words;
pushing me deeper

he lights the match
bringing the flame closer
i can feel his heat
the passionate pain
he scars my face, my body, my mind
leaving me with his memory
with which i am cursed

i snap at him,
spit at him,
trying to release myself from
his restraints
as I watch myself
corrupted
into something only he could love but still, I return to him
knowing that he is my raptor
he is the one who will love me
he is the only one who cares
even if his emotions are
sadistic
as i play his games
giving myself over to his
pleasures
as his concubine, the eternal
slave
as he wishes me to be

he laps at my wounds,
his tongue entering me,
piercing me
his fingers are the needles
brushing over my skin
injecting me with his ecstasy,
my elixir of life

the passion fills me,
claiming its wife

there is no escape
he has blinded me with his sex
and drugged me with his love
locking me away from the
warm place
which I call home

(Originally published in Beyond Oppression: opening the door to lesbian, gay, transgender and bisexual youth, Spring 1997, Youthquest!)

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